我可是什么也看不懂~~

未修改过的原文 

Dear Mr. xxp>

Seeing the advertisement on the bulletin board, I knew there was a position available in the Students’ Union, and I coincidentally find that a student of mine, whose name is xx, has the right abilities to fill in the vacancy.

 Joining this official organization has long been his dream, which may give him a precious opportunity to sharpen his competitive edge and broaden his knowledge. He is an honest student with excellent academic remarks and won several awards in national contests. Moreover, he is never timid to shoulder his responsibilities in the work. In brief, I render A plus to him.

 So, I extremely trust he can fulfill all the affairs in the Students’ Union, and if you work with him for a while, you may be moved by his courage, diligence and toughness.

                                            Respectfully,

                                             Gordon

Introducing new words and phrases/font>

Eminently qualifies for…

part of the team…

expand his horizons

sparkling academic record

man of integrity

fully respected as

impressed by

dedication and tenacity

改写练习 by the Yeti http://bbs.diandian.net/dispbbs.asp?boardid=110&id=57245 and http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=8&ID=20674   请尊重别人的劳动成果, 转贴时拜托请注明转贴,作者及出处。 请不要加上出自你们的论坛之类的字句。

Dear Sir/Madam,

  I learned from a posting on the college bulletin board that there was a position opened in the Student Union. One of my students, Mr.XYZ is, in my opinion, eminently qualifies for the job.

   Becoming part of the team in the Student Union has always been his dream. He looks upon this as a chance to sharpen his skills, expand his horizon, and gain much needed work experience.  John(*) is an excellent student with a sparkling academic record, has won several awards in national contests, and is a man of integrity. Never afraid to take on challenges, and always dependable, John earns my full respect as a student and a human being.

    I have full confidence in John being able to carry out all his duties, and I can bet that you will be impressed by his dedication and tenacity very quickly.

  Should you require further information, don't hesitate to (contact me)/(call me) at....

Yours Truly,

 Professor Charles Xavier,

Department of Extra-sensory Perception.

 (* In North America, a teacher would refer to the student’s first name after introducing him formally as Mr. So-and-so.)

未完全修改过的原文
Cultures—National and International
As is shown in the photo, there is a lovely American girl who is wearing the traditional costume with a big smile. It seems that she loves her suit and is very fond of the Chinese’ culture. Clearly, the messenger conveys in his picture that the Chinese culture appeals to foreigners and a nation’s culture can be international as well.
It is no wonder that nowadays mutual culture exchanges among countries play an increasingly important role in the world affairs, as the global economy grows at a fever pitch. It has long been a pride that our nation owns a long history and profound culture. Thanks to the open-policy, growing number of foreigners swarm into China and are attracted by our splendid culture, and this makes our culture be internationally known. Suddenly, the Chinese landscape captures the world’s eyeballs. Meanwhile, visitors from other countries also bring their specific cultures. All these contribute a lot to the world’s peace and development.
To being a Chinese citizen, I am proud that our nation plays an increasingly crucial and leading role in world’s affairs and our culture is becoming international. It provides vast opportunities for us to spare our efforts to promote the world’s development harmoniously. Thus, it pays a lot to accelerate culture exchanges.

代用词 and new words and phrases
quite at ease
casting a broad smile
in vogue
influx
gather(s) momentum

改写练习 by the Yeti http://bbs.diandian.net/dispbbs.asp?boardid=110&id=57245 and http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=8&ID=20674   请尊重别人的劳动成果, 转贴时拜托请注明转贴,作者及出处。 请不要加上出自你们的论坛之类的字句。

   In the picture, an attractive American young lady in traditional Chinese grab can be seen sitting quite at ease and casting a broad smile. What the picture tries to say is that Chinese culture is becoming in vogue in the Western World.
  Cultural exchanges among nations have become a key ingredient in promoting international understanding, thereby lowering tension and facilitating trade. As China’s trade with other nations continues to mount, the influx of foreigners continues to gather momentum, resulting in more and more westerners exposing themselves to our culture and heritage. The splendid Chinese landscape, the exotic and exquisite foods, the refine art and literature, are all making big impacts in the hearts and minds of our visitors.
 Cultural exchange works both ways: as we influence them, they influence us. Perhaps one day what John Lennon said in his song “Imagine”(*) would indeed come true: ”…and the world will live as one.”
  Being Chinese, I am proud and excited by the prospect of the Chinese culture going international and that we are playing a crucial role in shaping the future of the world. Let us spare no effort in this worthwhile venture.

(*) Imagine. Composed by John Lennon 1971 Click on of the following to view or listen to/font>

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8086785798894908281

http://the-kid.imeem.com/music/EvFXS4NT/imagine/

http://www.noolmusic.com/blogs/YouTube_Music_Videos_60s_70s_-_John_Lennon_-_Imagine.shtml

Imagine by John Lennon (of the Beatles) 1971

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the onlyone
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

[EMBED SRC="http://the-kid.imeem.com/music/EvFXS4NT/imagine/" AUTOSTART="TRUE" HIDDEN="TRUE" LOOP="TRUE"][/NOEMBED]

I don't know if the music is uplinkable, if not, go to one of the following/p>

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8086785798894908281

http://the-kid.imeem.com/music/EvFXS4NT/imagine/

http://www.noolmusic.com/blogs/YouTube_Music_Videos_60s_70s_-_John_Lennon_-_Imagine.shtml

未完全修改过的原文 (From an essay submitted for revision at the Rainlane Worksop)

It is said that long time ago,a man named Houyi and his wife Chang'e live in earth.At that time,there were ten suns,and that made people lead a miserable life.Houyi shooted down nine of them but left one.Rewarding his brave behavior,the emperor have the husband and wife an longevous pill.A general in heaven named Mengpeng(蒙蓬)envy them and intended to steal the pill.One day,when Houyi went outside,left Chang'e at home by herself.Mengpeng intrude their home and force chang'e to hand over the pill.Acting on a sudden impulse,chang'e swallow the pill with hurry and eventually flew to the moon .When Houyi was coming back,his neighbor told him what had happened.Missing his wife so deep,on every August 15th of the lunar year,Houyi arranged nuts and some other food which chang'e like under the moon in memory of his wife.

改写练习 by the Yeti http://bbs.diandian.net/dispbbs.asp?boardid=110&id=57245 and http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=8&ID=20674   请尊重别人的劳动成果, 转贴时拜托请注明转贴,作者及出处。 请不要加上出自你们的论坛之类的字句。

 Legend has it that in pre-history there were ten suns: you can image what kind of miserable life must be endured. A man by the name of Houyi and his wife Cheng-e changed all that. Houyi brought down nine and left on standing. For his bravery, the Emperor of Heaven awarded him a vial of the Elixir of Life.
   When getting wind of this, a general in heaven, Mengpeng, became envious and decided to steal the elixir. One day, while Houyi was out, Mengpeng broke into his house and demanded Cheng-e to hand over the vial. Without thinking, Cheng-e drank the elixir, and her body started to float. She ended in the moon, where she resides for all eternity.
     Houyi was devastated by the lost of his wife. On every August 15th of the Lunar Year, in  honor  and to the memory of his wife, Houyi prepared a feast of his wife’s favourite foods in a ceremony under the moon.

未修改过的原文

Dear sir of ladybr/>I’ve receive the job offer some days before. Plenty of thanks given from my deep heart to you for giving me a chance that I can work in your company.
But, I’m so sorry that I can’t accept it. Last year, I post my resume and the score of TOEFL and GRE to some universities in USA. A week later when I get that job offer, an offer from university in Chicago arrived, giving me an admission to enter that college. I have a dream that studying at aboard, exploding my eyes and experiencing different style of life. And now , chance is coming. It take me much time to make the decision that accepting the school’s offer instead of taking my job, which my be more particular.
I beg that you can forgive me, best wishes to your company, and I also hope that day when we have opportunity to cooperate.
                                                               Sincerely yours
                                                                                                                                                                             ***

改写练习 by the Yeti http://bbs.diandian.net/dispbbs.asp?boardid=110&id=57245 and http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=8&ID=20674   请尊重别人的劳动成果, 转贴时拜托请注明转贴,作者及出处。 请不要加上出自你们的论坛之类的字句。
Here is a rewrite:

Dear Sir/Madam,
  A few days ago I received a job offer from you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me a chance for working with your company.

  I am sorry to have to inform you that I cannot accept the offer. Last year, I applied for admission to some universities in the United States. A week after receiving your job offer, I received an admission letter from the University of Chicago. I have been having a dream of studying abroad, to open my eyes and experience a different life style. Now, my chance is here. It had taken me much time to decide on accepting the school's offer over yours, as the former one is more important to me.

  Plesae excuse me for turning down your offer. Best wishes to you and your company, and I hope that one day I will have the opportunity of working for you.

Yours faithfully, 

(first name)(last name).

(Note: I have not done any rewriting exercise for a long time.  So here is a new one. Please try this exercise yourself: pick an essay and try to rewrite it with as many different words and phrases and sentence structure as possible, without changing the content or the sequence of presentation.)

未完全修改过的原文

Dear Mr President,
   
     I am a sophomore from the business school. I writer  this letter in the interest of myself and many, if not most students to complain about the canteen quality.

  Firstly, the poor quality of the food is the last thing I would bear. Recently years, although it has been improved, in my views, it still leave much room to be desired. For one, the rice is too hard to chew, the vegetable is not fresh, the price of food is astronomically high, which is far beyond a large slice of college students` support ability. The canteen offer the food at a price one out of three higher than the outsider restaurant. There is no reason that we choose dinner in canteen, in other words, we have no choice but to dinner out.
 
   The second place, the dinning room surrounding is dirty and the waiter consistently give us  a cold shoulder. Last term, we conducted a survey about the canteen service among second-year students, most of them take the attitude that poor quality is to be  given boost to.

I sincerely hope that you would take our opinions seriously.

Best wishes.
                                                                                         
Sincerely yours,
 Li Ming

=====

代用词 and new words and phrases
on behalf of
or lack thereof
substandard
wanting
grainy
stale
exhorbitant
beyond the reach of
No wonder
Hygiene
filthy
unsanitary
rude
uncaring
physical condition
morale

改写练习
   by the Yeti http://bbs.diandian.net/dispbbs.asp?boardid=110&id=57245 and http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=8&ID=20674   请尊重别人的劳动成果, 转贴时拜托请注明转贴,作者及出处。 请不要加上出自你们的论坛之类的字句。

Dear (Mr/Madam) President,  (I don’t know about China, but it is not rare in North America to find a university or college chancellor or president to be a woman.)
    I am a second year student of the Business School, and am writing this letter on behalf of myself and many other students concerning the quality, or lack thereof, of our cafeteria.

    To begin with, the food quality is substandard, to say the least. Although improved in recent years, it is still somewhat wanting. The rice is grainy, the vegetable stale, and the price is exorbitant: way beyond the reach of the average student. Two-thirds of the items on sale in the cafeteria are priced way higher than those offer outside. No wonder most students choose to dine out.

  Hygiene is very much lacking in the whole area. The cafeteria and its immediate surroundings are filthy and unsanitary. The waiters are rude and uncaring. A survey conducted last term among second-year students showed that most would like to see a substantial upgrade in both the physical condition of the place, and the attitude of the people running it.

   Please give our complaint serious consideration, as further deterioration would seriously harm not only the morale of the students, but also their health.

Yours Truly,
Ming Li.

 

The Yeti爷爷,辛苦您了,您的改写的文章我现在都已经存盘了,明天就去打印好好研究.

[em02][em02][em04][em04][em04]

未修改过的原文

I am excessively sorry to tell you that I was unable to keep my engagement to see you off at the railway station . Now, I am writing you this letter of apology to show my deep regret. Please accept my sincere apology .I fear you displeased at my failing to keep my promise. I hope you will understand me .

          Let me explain. The reason for my absence was that my brother sudden fell ill and was taken to hospital this morning .So I have to go to the hospital right away and take care of him. So I am afraid that I cannot go to the station to see you off tomorrow.

        Naturally , I shall be obliged if you will kindly write and tell me when and where we may not again and I hope to see you soon.

                                  Sincerely yours,

改写练习
   by the Yeti http://bbs.diandian.net/dispbbs.asp?boardid=110&id=57245 and http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=8&ID=20674   请尊重别人的劳动成果, 转贴时拜托请注明转贴,作者及出处。 请不要加上出自你们的论坛之类的字句。
Dear Sir,
  I am frightfully(*) sorry to let you know that I will be unable to see you off tomorrow at the train station despite having promised to do so. Please accept my apology.
   My brother has fallen ill suddenly and was taken to the hospital this morning. I will have to stay with him in the hosiptal for the forseeable future, so going to see you off is out of the question.
    Please do keep in touch. I am looking forward to having the chance of seeing you again soon. Wishing you a pleasant and safe journey home,

Yours sincerely,
(name)(surname)(**)

(* Frightfully sorry is chiefly a British expression.)

(** In Chinese, it is surname-name; in English, it is name-surname. However, in recent years, western media have adapted the use of "as is" translation for foreign names. In case of Chinese names,  newspapers and magazines are now using the name-surname ordering.)

Uncle, you did do a great job. We are all appreciate it...

 

[em04]

谢谢前辈

拷回去好好研究

yeti爷爷辛苦啦!!

I have promised several people that I would do a rewrite with their essay, but I have not gotten to any of them. I am just too busy nowadays, and will continue to be so at least until the end of the year.
 Anyway, I took some time out today to do one of the several rewrites I had promised. "Better late than never"!
============================================================
未修改过的原文
Give the promise

  In this picture, you will see a hen and a list. The content of the list is about to the hen give the promise that all the eggs were normal. Although this is a cartoon, it is likely happened in our life.
    
  Nowadays, as economy developed increasing. For promote the product’s sales, many companies like to boost their advantages. Also they promise the customers the good qualities of their goods. But in fact their products were ordinary. The advantages which they told us were the necessaries of their products.
   From this we can see the competition was so fierce that many manufacturers think of these ideas. But it cannot solve the problem. So the opinion must be reverse. If the maker wants to be the winner, they must explore the new product to attract the people’s eyes. Not use this method.


代用词 and new words and phrases

Proclaim/Proclaiming/Proclamation宣告, 声明, 公布, 表明, 显示
ridicule 嘲笑
Exaggerated 夸大,...言过其实
Bizarre 奇异的, 异乎寻常的
By leap(s) and bounce(s)
inherent 固有的, 与生俱来的
notion 概念, 想法, 观念
hyperbolize 夸大
ludicrous  可笑的, 荒唐的, 滑稽的 (in the context below: 荒唐的)
 
改写练习
Exaggerated Claims (Rewriting exercise by Yeti. Please note: this is an exercise on my part; there is no guarantee that there are no mistakes.)
by the Yeti http://bbs.diandian.net/dispbbs.asp?boardid=110&id=57245 and http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=8&ID=20674   请尊重别人的劳动成果, 转贴时拜托请注明转贴,作者及出处。 请不要加上出自你们的论坛之类的字句。

   In the satirical cartoon, a hen is holding a list proclaiming her eggs will have certain special characters, all of which are actually quite ordinary and normal.  Clearly, the intent of the cartoon is to ridicule what is happening in our society.
  Today, as our economy moves ahead by leaps and bounces, many businesses would promote their products with exaggerated, even bizarre, claims in the hope of increasing sales, when in fact what they boast of is inherent to the product.
  Manufacturers have the notion that they can stay ahead of the competition by making hyperbolized representation of what is actually a rather common trait. But would such ludicrous claim really help?  I doubt it.  If entrepreneurs want to come out ahead, they should be innovative and bring out newer and better products to attract customers. 

thanks  Yeti 爷爷!

原文

我很高兴收到你的来信，在你的信里我得知你已经被武汉大学录取了，我真为你感到骄傲，武汉大学已有百年历史，校园中有许多美丽的樱花。现在你是一个大学新生了，大学与中学之间有许多的不同之处，比如说，你将有跟多的自由空间和各种各样的聚会。总而言之，很多事物将吸引你的眼球。但是，你要记住自己在做的事，更重要的是学习知识和开阔眼界。在大学里有时你要通过赚取学分来展示你的能力。我给你以下几个建议：首先，要保持你的耐心和自信，第二，增强你的探索事物的能力，第三，抓住机会展示自己的能力。还有，你要和同学好好相处，其他人才会友好对待你。最后，祝愿你的大学生活愉快。

改写练习

Dear Timojian,
  I am very glad to have received your letter from which I learned that you had been accepted by the University of Wuhan. I am really proud of you. The University of Wuhan, with a campus nicely dotted with lovely cherry bloosoms, has over a hundred year of history. 

  Now that you are a freshman, you will find many differences between universities and high schools. Ample free time that you can spend at your own discretion, but should be spent prudently, is probably the first thing you will notice. The many kinds of appealing extracurricula activities and alluring social events, all begging for your attention and indulgence, will surely not escape your notice either. What you should keep in mind, however, is what you are there for, so put learning, broadening your view, and expanding your horizon as your top priorities. Everything else is secondary.
   You should grab every opportunity to build up strong credentials in preparation for your future. Choosing the right courses, getting high marks, and involving yourself in responsible positions in student activities, will all add brownie points to your resume.
   If I may, I would like to leave you a few pieces of advice: maintain your patience and confidence at all times; strengthen you ability to investigate and analyze; seize every opportunity to show what you can do or are good at; and finally, make sure you develop good interpersonal relationship skills. Remember, "No bird soars too high if it soars with its own wings." (William Blake.)
  Wishing you a happy university life,
 Yours sincerely,
 
  Susan.

lostjay是盐城视屏班学生 谢谢yeti前辈和丁老师 我一定好好写作文