恳请各位高手来修改一下这篇作文,并感谢至极!
As we can see in the picture, a football match is busily going on. The player who is go kicking the ball is so hesitant that dare not just have a try, in his opinion, the boy keeping the door is so strong. While the goal keeper is also full of fear because of the lack of confidence to defend the dreadful attack indeed coming from his illusion. There is no doubt to learn that both of them lose heart to succeed.
We can as well read the deeper meaning beyond the drawing, which the drawer intends to tell us. When confront some difficulties, especially in a competition, many of us always exaggerate the hardship. In that case, they intend to lose courage which can not too essential to obtain a success. Accordingly, they give up, just as the boys in the graph do, even without a try.
Success, from my point of view, will never come without a try. Take Liuxiang for a dramatic example, if he yielded to the superficial contest, and did not take part in the race at all, bow could he enjoy the successful feeling at the end. Therefore, just do it, and hold the notion firmly—nothing is possible. Only in this way can we win a possible victory.(07考研大作文)

写得很好，从句等句式多变，学习ing.
水平有限 ,也不晓得改对了没,个人意见,有则改之,无则加勉吧!呵呵!
As we can see in the picture可以把此句改成被动表达，会顺口些
so hesitant that dare not just have a try?
just as the boys in the graph do    这句感觉有点怪异,呵呵.而且graph n. 图表,曲线图v. 图表,用图表表示vt. 以(曲线)图表示  不是漫画
just as the boy did in the cartoon.
bow could he enjoy the successful feeling at the end?

呵呵,谢谢鼓励和宝贵意见呵

The player who is go kicking the ball is so hesitant that dare not just have a try,
1．So。。that 是个关联从属连词，that 后面应该是个句子，你没有主语。2。The player who is go kicking。。。这个是现在进行体？

, in his opinion, the boy keeping the door is so strong. While the goal keeper is also full of fear because of the lack of confidence to defend the dreadful attack indeed coming from his illusion. 结构上in his opinion 是这段话的开头，把前面那句话结掉，后面的从句While前面应该是逗号这样while 这个从句就有主句依附。（In his opinion, the boy keeping the door is so strong, while the goal keeper is also full of fear because of the lack of confidence to defend the dreadful attack indeed coming from his illusion.）

When confront some difficulties, especially in a competition, many of us always exaggerate the hardship (When confronted some difficulties,前面只有用分词构成个非限定分句才对，不然你前面confront这个动词依附谁？==When( 连词)+ed分词（逻辑主语是主句的主语many of us）形成一个非限定分句。主句是many of us。。。

In that case, they intend to lose courage which can not too essential to obtain a success.= can情态助动词后面跟动词原型，你没有V。而且这个关系分句我觉得应该是非限制的。

if he yielded to the superficial contest, and did not take part in the race at all, bow could he enjoy the successful feeling at the end.（if he yielded to the superficial contests, and did not take part in races at all, how would he enjoy the successful feeling at the end.）