On Success

Success is a delightful thing.We are all longing for success . As a modern college student , me too.There are a wealth of roads to success .How can we achieve success ?
In the one hand ,we can enter into colleges and universities by our effort.And we can study a variety of knowledge and skills in canpus. There are many successful persons like this .For instance ,a famous scientist qiangxuesheng.In the other hand ,of course ,it’s not only way to gain success.We can select our own life career that our like best .These
people only do a vocation in their life .In the end ,they must be taste success .For example ,lijiacheng.And so on.
Simple put ,in mine eyes,it’s increasingly important that people insist on their work and industry.please remeber it ,if you can wor hard and persist in ,you will success in the days ahead.

As a modern college student , me too/As a modern college student ，I also eger  to  attain my achievement.  后面的 me too用起来很奇怪，你仔细体会一下。。
in canpus/ on campus
There are many successful persons like this /请问你这个this指代什么啊，我貌似没有看到阿
In the other hand /on the other hand
In the one hand ,/这个用的不太好，试一下In the first place吧
We can select our own life career that our like best ./请问楼主想表达什么意思啊
in their life/in their lives
they must be taste success/they must be tasting  success.
For example/替换成say更好

这位楼主，你应该多注意些基本错误不要犯，因为这样扣分是比较冤枉的，试着多用一下固定的句型．．